Ask Jilda,
I am a gay man in the military. Yes, I am aware of the don’t ask don’t tell and every other form of tolerance stated. The fact is I live in fear. I am 6ft 4, 230 pds and very macho. No man I have come across in the military or otherwise would assume I am gay. I really just want to be who I am. I have many great friends but wonder if coming out to them is a big mistake? I am in constant turmoil and feel not worthy of expressing myself . I know there is really nothing you can do to help but maybe give me some ideas on how to live with this situation and not feel so misunder- stood.
Thank you Military Man
Wow,
You poor baby.I can’t begin to feel how you do. I grew up in the 90’s in LA. A large percentage of my friends are gay. It is the norm in my world. I am not familiar with military life but is there a therapist on base you can trust? I hear the military is not the most liberal place on the planet but you have to confide in someone. How many more years do you have? Hopefully you get the opportunity to rage while on leave. You have to have a release and be who your heart is or you will become a very bitter unhappy son. I am sorry for your pain my friend but this is an issue our government needs to address. I wish you luck.
Take care Jilda
Ask Jilda
Thanks for reading my letter.Maybe you can help me? I am a 34 year old woman. I have had the same best friend for 15 years. I have been married for three years to a really wonderful guy. Unfortunately,my best friend has never been very lucky in the man department.A year and a half ago she finally met the love of her life.We live in two different states so we didn’t meet him until their wedding three months ago. I was so happy for her. He seemed very nice and polite.We invited them to visit us last July. At first we had a great time together. Everyone seemed to be hitting it off with him until he started hitting on me. The fourth day they were there he started asking me very personal questions and being way to touchy.I be- gan to feel uncomfortable. I told my hus- band but he didn’t get it until he saw it himself.His behavior continued to esca- late and I told him he better not hurt my best friend.I don’t want to be the one to tell her but feel I am betraying her more everyday. This situation is eating me up inside. I am loosing sleep. Got any advice? Hope so.
Thanks again Leslie
Hi Leslie,
You are in a tough situation but not uncom- mon. First of all she must have some idea who he is. If you began to notice his unat- tractive behavior in just a few days others are as well.You can’t be the first. Your friend is probably in denial due to love or does’t want to lose this loser.Stop making yourself sick over it. She is a big girl. Personally and I mean very...This has happened to me a few times. I would only tell my friend if the relationship were new. It isn’t.Feel free to frequently call her and ask her how things are going.Sooner or later she will begin to see who her husband really is. I’m sure you will be the first person she calls and tells. No more dwelling on this.Be productive not destructive.The truth will prevail. It always does.
Be well Jilda
Ask Jilda,
Hello Jilda,
I actually met you many years ago at a mutual friends party. I thought you were very unapproachable until my friend in- troduced us. You were sweet and funny. I thought for sure you would be aloof and make me feel uncomfortable. My prob-lem is Los Angeles. Maybe I should be more specific and say the entertainment industry. I am from a small town in up- state NY. I relocated to LA for a job at one of the studios. All my life until now I have been recognized for my Harvard education and my witty sense of humor. Not in LA. I am not beautiful by any standards and maybe 10 pounds over weight. You would think I were an alien or a monster in the LA social scene? People can’t even look me in the eyes while engaging in a conversation. They are looking around the room the entire time and make me feel boring and not worthy? I don’t get it? Is LA all about appearance? Do you have to look like you to get recognition of any kind? I am so disillusioned here. I have no friends, no social life and no self esteem. If I wasn't making this six figure income that I am, I would have been out of this superficial, self obsessed town a month after arriving. Can you suggest any cop- ing mechanisms? Let me know.
Sadie from Harvard
Hi Sadie,
I actually remember you. You are great, very bright and witty. I enjoyed your company. I so get you. Believe me looks or no looks the entertainment industry is a very superficial click. There are the successful ones whom are more mellow and grounded but the majority are social climbers who are past their prime by Hollywood standards. Those are the ones who are insecure, unstable and forever searching for THEMSELVES. I am from a small town myself. In fact I am writing to you from there now. Your opinions,theories,thoughts and observa- tions of Hollywood are all sadly right one... My advice to you is to be your wonderful self. Look for friends outside this industry. There are plenty of people who are real in LA. I have lived in Beverly Hills my whole adult life. I pick my friends according to their sincerity, reliability and how well I en- joy their company. I tend to avoid the fake misguided want to be celebrity types. It’s just to much drama and bs to implement into my harmonious life that I strategically orchestrated for my family and myself. Stop trying to fit into that world. Just because you are a veterinarian doesn’t mean you have to hang out with animals all day Get it? It takes awhile but I have know doubt you will find your comfortable place.
Nice hearing from you Jilda
Ask Jilda
Hello, from Boston
I love my wife and enjoy our relationship, sex life ect but it really bothers me that she gets so jealous every time I look at or comment on the appearance of another woman. It’s no big deal. I’m not imagin- ing myself with the other woman.I just can’t help but turn my head when I see a pretty,sexy lady.Is it me? Am I at fault? My wife thinks so.
Dear Boston,
Funny you should ask. Every time I am out doing my thing and a man looks at me while with his wife I cringe! It hurts me. I feel her pain because I can read the look on her face.Hurt, embarrassment, betrayal, ect. I make a point while with my husband to never look at another man.I don’t care if he is the hottest, sexist man on the planet. I feel it is disrespectful and I love my hus- band. I would never want him to feel un- comfortable for a moment.It also creates a feeling of less attractiveness to your date, wife, even friend. You can see I have strong feelings about this because I have seen that look on other woman’s faces as well as felt the pain myself. It really isn’t that hard to not focus on someone other than whom you are with.It’s called respect and consid- eration. If it is maybe you shouldn’t be with that person in the first place.
Jilda